


hues

by gemincri



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Colors, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Some fluff if you squint, Violence, don't play with knives kiddos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 02:24:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13471695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemincri/pseuds/gemincri
Summary: You were special since you were young; you could see colors without a soulmate and it didn't suit well with Yoongi. He was a bitter man and tormented you since you were young, but sadly, you still loved him and weirdly, he never left you alone.





	hues

**Author's Note:**

> Please grab some tissues for this fic because you'll need it. Again, this is originally from my tumblr (r0tten-m1lk), you should go check it out! Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading!  
> EDIT: I totally forgot to include this but abusive, manipulative relationships is heavily mentioned in this fic, please read with caution and if you have any questions about it, please feel free to ask!!

In this life, everything is painted with monochrome grays, but once you meet your soulmate, hues of all kind cover your world. Now, some of us never meet our soulmate, some of us never get to see what it’s like to live in color. Though I’m the rare, maybe the only one that was born with ability to see all the beautiful tints and shades without my soulmate. Even this gift has been a curse, this blessing has made the one I love the most hate me so greatly, a hate that’s so unhealthy. But all the same, I love him and care for him even though he rather see me dead. I have known him all my life and he has known me all his life and his hate has always been there. When I would describe all the colors I saw, how beautiful the world is but nonetheless his stare was everything but amazement. His black eyes would glare at me as if I’m the reason he was so colorblind, I’m the reason he couldn’t find his soulmate. He would always yell at me how he doesn’t understand the concept of color, since he’ll never be able to see it. He always hated how I described the color with “useless” things that he couldn’t comprehend. Though he doesn’t understand that the same colors I described were always the colors I saw that swarmed him.

Red was one of the colors that plagued him. He’s always so full of anger when I was in view, yet I was never allowed to leave. Red was the color that described the danger that came with him, there were never fists thrown, but words would slice the air like daggers. Red was the color of the cautiousness I felt when I was in the same room, the feeling of treading on thin ice. Yet, he still made red look beautiful in the cruelest manner.

_“What the fuck are you doing?!” Yoongi’s voice roared through my apartment while I painted him in shades of all kind. His face held a small smile, one I wish he had when he was near me. I refused to answer him, since it was obvious what I was doing, so I continued to paint. He moved his body closer to my slouched form, his anger was apparent, I could practically feel the flames he was producing behind me. “I won’t ask again,” he seethed._

_ “I’m painting you with colors…” I trailed off, instantly regretting mentioning the word “colors.” _

_ “Oh colors? Now why would that matter to me if you paint with colors, when I can’t fucking see them,” he said with his eyebrow raised. I move out of my stool into the kitchen, knowing I won’t be able to paint with him here. _

_ “Because the last time I didn’t say how I was painting it, you got mad…” I silently say as grab a glass and fill it up with tap water.  _

_ “No, I didn’t,” Yoongi denies as he comes to take my water, just to pour it down the drain. Why must he be so childish? _

_ “Yes, you did. You got so pissed you ruined the painting and it wasn’t even a portrait of you, it was of me.” _

_ “Well aren’t you suppose to paint something that is beautiful? Isn’t art meant to be beautiful?” Yoongi sarcastically says.  _

_ “‘ _ _ Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.’ Rainbow Rowell. And I know I’m ugly, I just needed a model and nobody was near me, so I just used myself,” I retorted walking away from him back into my art room to get my dirty brushes. _

_ “You have other people you talk to other than me?” he laughed, still following me. _

_ “Yes, I do. I talk to Jimin quite often, and usually he’s my model, but he was busy that day. He’s very nice, you know. Unlike you,” my voice carries out to him as I gather my dirty brushes and palette. _

_ “You seem like you’re in love with him. Gross,” he says with slight anger as he creeps closer, a little too close. _

_ “We both damn well know that’s not true, Yoongi. Trust me, I won’t touch your boyfriend,” with that being said, I roll my eyes moving out of the room. _

_ Blocking my way, he mumbles, “If he was my boyfriend, I could see color but clearly I still can’t.” _

_ “No, Yoongi, you can’t see color because you’re too bitter and spiteful. Maybe if you stop putting the blame on other people and started to see you’re your own problem, you could see color,” I snapped at him, annoyed with having this conversation again. I try to move, but he wouldn’t budge. Attempting to maneuver my body around him again but he just moves with me. “Yoongi, move,” I say, knowing there was no way out without touching him, which I would like to avoid. The last time I touched him, I ended up with scraped and bloody knees and sprained wrists.  _

_ “So I’m the bitter one now? I know you still cry when I told you to fuck off when you said you loved me. Then you burnt all my notebooks,” he laughed getting too close to my face. _

_ “That’s because you destroyed all my art!” I screamed. “It took me years to gain back all the art I slaved over.”   _

_ “What about that time you gave me a black eye because all I did was make a joke about you in front of Jungkook?” _

_ “You goddamn ruined my image in front of him! I was trying to move on from you, you piece of shit!” _

_ “Oh, what about when-” _

_ “Shut the fuck up! You know what, I’m glad you can’t see color because you don’t deserve it, if all you’re going to do is be an asshole!” I yell in his face but I instantly regret saying it. His face was unnervingly calm but I could see the twitch of his eyebrow and the corner of his lip. _

_ “Well, if I don’t deserve to see color, then you don’t deserve it either…” With that he pushed me out of the way, causing me to fall. _

_ “Yoongi, what are you doing?” My voice voice wavers while I ask him. Ignoring me he marches over to all my paint, piles upon piles of sketchbooks, notebooks and canvases lay and hang in my room. He checks each can looking for the color that I can assume is black. “Yoongi, what are you doing?!” I rapidly say as I get up. Still ignoring me, he breaks open the jar of black paint, walking over to one of him I was working on before he arrived. With no remorse he splashed it with the paint.  _

_ “Yoongi, stop!” My voice raises a pitch, I know what he’s going to do. He’s going to make me see what’s it like to see no color. I jump to him, wrapping on to his waist, front pushed up against his back. _

_ “Don’t touch me,” he spat, pushing my back to the ground harder than before.  _

_ “Yoongi, please stop…” I whimper as he covers more canvases with the cursed tar paint. Once the black ran out, he threw the jar causing it to shatter into pieces. Next came red, a color I once believed only held love, but now it only showed how dangerous Yoongi can be. Soon, my art room was covered in hues of red, blue, green, black and gray, together they make color look so evil and rancid. All I could do was cry as I crawled towards my destroyed art, nothing was left, nothing could be recovered. Yoongi stood in the middle of his masterpiece, still all he could see was shades of gray with his hands dirty with colors I grew to resent.  _

_ “Maybe next time you’ll watch your mouth,” Yoongi murmured, his eyes set on my slouched and shaking form. Everything I loved and worked for was gone, ripped out of my hands by a man I selflessly loved. _

_ “Fuck you…” Those words had no effect on him since it wasn’t the first time I said it, but the next thing was. “I hate you with every cell in my body, don’t ever come near me again, leave forever.”  _

_ “Yeah okay, I’ll just come back later, when you calm down,” he said as he walked out of the room. _

_ “No, you won’t,” I say getting up, not daring to look at all my lost art. _

_ “What?” he says, dumbfounded. _

_ “I said, you won’t since I will be moving in three days, and you don’t know where, so you physically can’t come back,” my voice still wavers, but I look up at him. _

_ “Yeah, okay, and if you are, I’ll just ask Jimin where you’re going,” he says, with no panic. _

_ “Jimin doesn’t know, no one knows. I wanted to leave this town with no trace. I’m sick of getting hurt, Yoongi. I’m sick of you never even giving me a chance, but still you never leave me alone. I’m sick of being unloved, but can still see color. I’m sick of everyone’s very clear pity. I’m sick of always having to rely on Jimin, and always going to him when something bad happens. I need to be a big girl now, and I need to stop letting myself get hurt. And the stunt you just pulled just proves my point even more. Leave, Yoongi, I don’t need you anymore…” I say turning around to start to pick up his mess again. What I didn’t see though was the way that Yoongi’s eyes widened with alarm. _

_ “You can’t leave!” Yoongi says with dread in his voice. _

_ “I can and will.” Not turning to look at him, I gingerly pick up my still wet sketchbooks. _

_ “Fine, good riddance then,” Yoongi barks while he stomps out with heavy steps, and slams my door shut causing the whole apartment to shake. All I could do was whimper as I pick up all my hard work and my life spendings. It’s days like these that I want to give up on art, and wish I couldn’t see at all. Maybe, if I couldn’t see at all I would have lead a happier life. _

They say that a blue flame is one of the hottest fires in the world. This perfectly describes Yoongi, not only was red a hot flame that burned in him, but the blue masked it. He was cold and brash, if something was not his style he would instantly show his distaste. Arrogance at its finest. He also stroke fear me, not one that I was afraid to die, but more so, I’m afraid of losing everything I love. Back to the arrogance, he always had to have some sort of dominance. A twisted way to prove his masculinity and pride. That’s exactly all he was, prideful and controlling. It’s scares me how he can turn such a peaceful color into something so spine-chilling. 

_ “Jimin, I don’t know how to thank you for letting me stay until I can move to my new home,” I say with my hands shaking in my lap. Yes, I was still moving, but it would take about three weeks before all my stuff arrived to the place and for my old apartment to be sold. I know I couldn’t stay there because Yoongi would be there, so I called up the person I could trust, Jimin. Jimin was the definition of color, he made me believe in color again, most of the time. You could say that he was my muse, but sadly, not my soulmate. He was not the reason I could see color, no matter how I wished for it, and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the reason he could see color. If anything, he was a walking contradiction, he was the most colorful person I have met but still colorblind. No, he wasn’t ignorant, I remember the day when he found out I could see color with no soulmate. He didn’t call me weird or a freak like Yoongi, no, he begged me to show him color, to describe every flower and every butterfly. Now he’s a walking rainbow, orange hair, blue leather jacket with white shirts and blue or black jeans and shoes. An aura that’s a warm, soft pink color and bright brown eyes that disappear when he smiles. He always gave color a new meaning when Yoongi would destroy it. _

_ “It’s not problem, aren't friends supposed to help each other?” He said with a smile, sitting next to me on the couch. _

_ “I know but I’m staying at your house for three weeks, I feel like I‘m intruding…” My hands start to shake more as I got more anxious and more stressed. I felt Jimin’s hands on top of mine making to look up at him, and saw his concerned face that was a light caramel color with a hint of pink on his cheeks.  _

_ “You’re not intruding at all, Yoongi ruined your work and now you have nowhere else to go. I want to help, I’m not lying and you don’t know how angry I am at him,” he said, his hands tightening around mine. _

_ “Please, don’t hit him again,” I beg with a slight smile on my face. _

_ “Why are you so concerned about his health, when he doesn’t give two shits about yours?”  _

_ “Because I love him, Jimin. Trust me, I don’t want to, I don’t want to love him, since it hurts me so much. Jimin, this may be weird to say, but I wish I loved you instead since you care for me so much,” I murmur as silent, clear tears stream down my face. _

_ “Maybe you can learn to…” he whispered while his face got closer. “Maybe we can become soulmates by learning to love each other.” _

_ “Is that even possible?” I whisper back my eyes flickering to his lips. _

_ “Let’s try…” With that his lips were on mine, they were soft and warm, it felt just so right, but so wrong. Like his lips were suppose to be a secret meant to be left untouched.  _

_ All reasoning went out the window when I kissed back gently, the hands on mine went on my shoulders, lightly pushing back on the couch. My head softly hit the couch arm as Jimin hovered above me, one hand holding himself up and the other cradling my right cheek. The room got hotter, not with lust, but with adoration, the kiss became more passionate, but all the same, had a loving feel to it. My hands went up to his hair, racking my fingers through it. Jimin pulled away to smile at me, and all I could do is smile and giggle back, he laughed before swooping in for another kiss. Soon, traveled from lips kissing down my cheek to my neck, peppering kisses up and down the sides. Again, I laughed, and he smiled into my skin. Jimin was still attached to my neck giving it open mouth kisses until he found that “sweet spot”, making me quietly whimper. He stayed on that on spot sucking and softly nibbling on it, definitely leaving a spot, but I could care less. Once he was satisfied, he came up for air, and put his forehead to mine, smiling down at me. I swear if this what real loves feels like, then I want to drown in it and never come up for air. _

_ The rest of the day was a blur as Jimin and I spent the rest of it just cuddling and dancing around the kitchen while I try to make dinner. I wish I could live like this for the rest of my life, falling in love, and being weird with the person I love. After dinner, it’s around eight at night and the sun goes down, and the winter moon creeps behind the darken clouds. Then I remember I was suppose to go to this stupid “club” my friend wanted me to go to. I still don’t get why I hang out with her. Telling Jimin where I was going (much to his resistance), I walked outside to meet her there with ripped black jeans, a blue shirt I stole from Jimin a while ago, and a classic leather jacket. The air was cold and my white breath swirled out in front of me as I got closer to the club. The door was blocked by a security man that knew me a little too much, thanks to my friend. Upon seeing me, he let me in immediately. The club was still same, but a completely different atmosphere, it was dirty and sinful. A perfect place for a girl like her to hang out, but not me. The music made the ground shake, girls in skimpy outfits danced on just as sleazy guys on the black tiled dance floor. Pillars of red light were planted all over the club making it more of a maze, and blue, green and red light beams constantly flashed, giving me a headache. I go over to the bar, to the stool closest to the door, just in case I need to bail. I ask for a simple water, not wanting to get drunk when I was alone, and when I was most likely going have to babysit my friend.  _

_ Five glasses of water and an hour and half later, she has yet to show up, now I have undesirable urge to take a piss. Moving out of my chair, I stealthily weave through the drunken bodies to get to the back of the club where the bathrooms were. The closer to the back I get, the darker it gets, but the walls were covered in glow in the dark graffiti, illuminating the way to the bathroom. Feeling as if someone was watching, I turn to look into the crowd it see Min fucking Yoongi staring at me. Pretending like I never saw him, I go back to opening the bathroom door. The bathroom wasn’t any better, less sinful, but more dirty. More graffiti plagued the walls, mirrors, the stalls and even the toilets. After I was done doing my business, I walk to the sinks and look in the small section of the mirror that wasn’t covered. I look at myself and the hickey Jimin gave me was in plain sight. Now wonder no guys flirted with me, I’m such an idiot. I turn my head to the side to see it more clearly, I didn’t feel angry with Jimin, if anything I felt slightly loved.  _

_ Walking out of the bathroom, I look around to see if Yoongi was still in general area of me. _

_ “Looking for me?” Jumping about five feet in the air, I see Yoongi leaning against the wall next to me. He was not there before, I swear. Not even looking him in the eye, I speed walk away from him, but before I could get away he slammed me against the wall. The air was knocked out of me as Yoongi’s hands squished my shoulders. He kept me at arm's length, glaring down at me with such hatred. “I thought you were moving?” He asked raising his eyebrow. _

_ “I am,” I grunted out, since his hands were just about crushing the bones in my shoulders. _

_ “Then why are you still here?” He asked, getting angrier by the second. _

_ “Just let me go, Yoongi,” I seethed, out getting angry too. _

_ “Answer my goddamn question!” He screamed in my face, shaking me, causing my hair to move from my neck.  _

_ “It’s going to take three weeks before I can move, so I’m staying with Jimin for now. There, happy…” I said, losing my voice as I get more scared.  _

_ “Did Jimin give you that,” he spat getting closer, and gesturing towards my hickey. _

_ “Yes…” The fear was getting worse by the second, but I don’t look away from him, knowing it will just make him angrier. I swear blue flashed in his eyes as he glared down at me, getting closer to my face just like Jimin did. But instead of love, all I felt was a spine-chilling coldness. _

_ “Now, why would he do that?” He whispered, but his voice still boomed over the deafening music.  _

_ “Yoongi, please just go away, it’s none of your business,” I begged, with an apparent frown on my face.  _

_ “You think you’re hot shit now because pretty boy, Jimin kissed you? Just remember you love me, not him,” He smirked. _

_ “What if that’s not the case?” He smile instantly fell. “What if Jimin and I are learning to love each other? What if I don’t want to love you anymore? What if the happiest I have been in my life was when Jimin kissed me? Yoongi, I’m sick of this…” I said with tears in my eyes, as I reach my hands up to his chest to push him away. Before I could actually put strength in the push, he roughly grabbed my wrists and shoved them to the wall and squished my body up against the wall too. I started to struggle in his grasp and start to kick him, so he brought a leg between mine. “Yoongi, stop!” _

_ “Shut up, and you’re mine so you can’t ‘learn’ to love Jimin. What are you five, love doesn’t work like that Y/N. You don’t make your soulmate, Fate does and Fate made me your soulmate me, yet you’re not mine. So you’re mine, but I’m not yours. Tragic isn’t it?” He mocked me with his nose pressed into my cheek, I can smell the whiskey on his breath.  _

_ “But, I don’t even know if you’re my soulmate because with or without you, I can still see color and same goes for you. With or without me, you still can’t see color and it scares you…” I say tilting my head away from him. Flashes of blue, green and red lights swirl around the room, but to Yoongi all it was shades of white light and gray, like static.  _

_ “Maybe it does, but all I know is I’m not giving you to Jimin. You’re mine,” His face creeps closer to the place where Jimin’s love bite was, and his breath fans against my neck. _

_ “I’m not a possession…”  _

_ “You sure about that?” He smiles, as his lips graze against my neck, making me uncomfortable. With the same aggression as before, he grips my wrist tighter, leaving his fingerprints on me and bites onto my neck, pulling the skin. He was replacing Jimin’s mark with his own. Instead of the beautiful, warm pink that swirled around me, a cruel, cold blue suffocated me. Seeping into my lungs, crushing my bones, taking my ability to breathe. There was no love in the way he was marking me, only the need to possess and to conquer. His mouth dragged itself all over neck leaving the pink and purple marks all over it. His teeth did not softly nibble at the delicate skin, but harshly nip and bite at my neck. Once he was done claiming my skin, he pulled away to look at me. His marks covered my neck, and my eyes were slammed shut and face turned to the side, refusing to look at this monster.  _

_ He pulls my wrist into one hand as the grabs my face to I can be turned to him. Again, his whiskey plagued breath breathes against my lips. With a sharp force, he presses his lips against mine, bruising them in the process. I remember when I used to dream of him kissing me, but now, all this is, is a nightmare. His lips were soft, but freezing, there was no passion in this kiss. He presses open mouth kisses against my closed lips, refusing to breathe in. Frustrated, he presses his body closer, gripping my face harder forcing me to gasp. Taking the opportunity, he shoves his tongue down my throat. This not hot at all, this is terrifying. Finally having enough, I kiss back, hoping if I just do as he wishes, he’ll be satisfied and leave. He gets his tongue out of my mouth and nips and tugs on my bottom lip. Pulling away again, he looks at the “masterpiece” he created, smirking to himself. He lets go of my face and wipes his lips with his thumb.  _

_ Leaning back down to peck my lips, he murmurs, “think of this as a lesson, you’re mine.” With that he kisses me and let’s go, leaving me and walks out of the club. My body slides down the wall as my butt plops on the dirty, icy floor. I weep into my knees, but all I could think was how Jimin was going to go on a rampage.  _

It’s true that green and red cancel each other, making one or the to dissipate. Well in this case with Yoongi, green is fueled by red or red fueled by green, though blue is still a factor. The little green monster always consumed Yoongi, especially when he felt inferior. He always felt some sort of envy or jealousy when someone else had something he didn’t, but don’t we all? But he was always envious of those that saw color, and the only person he could take it out on was me. 

_ A week has passed since the incident with Yoongi happened and things have been better, much better. This is the happiest I have been in years or my whole life, for once I don’t feel lonely. Jimin makes me so happy and I hope I’m making him happy, also. At least I think I am, he can’t keep his hands off of me, but he still moves slow. Nothing is rushed, everything is at a nice, slow pace.  There’s no pressure to be something or to do something, we move at the same time. like conjoined twins.  I also haven’t seen Yoongi either, making it easier to give the love Jimin deserves. Still I can’t help but think that I don’t deserve him, he’s just imperfectly perfect.  He’s annoying, whiney, clingy and gets jealous easily but he loves and holds me. When he gets jealous, he just clings to me and softly kisses and bites to leave small love bites, but Yoongi would ruin me. He pull at the flesh that’s visible, keep going when I said stop and leave hurtful marks and bruises.  _

_ “Y/N, can we go somewhere please, I’m bored?” Jimin whined while his body was sprawled out on the couch and me since I was sitting on the same couch. _

_ “Where do you want to go? It’s raining though, Silly,” I say with a smile, looking down at him while I pet his fading orange hair.  _

_ “Let’s go to the milk tea shop that’s a block away,” he mumbled with his eyes closed. _

_ “Sure, let’s go.” _

_ “Really?!” he excitedly says, shooting up to sit up, scaring me. His eyes disappear as he smiles wide at me. “I’ll go get our raincoats and rain boots!” With that, he ran down the hall to retrieve the items, and I get up to walk towards him. He runs out with our rain boots and raincoats, a slight pep in his step, he drops them near me while he goes to grab his wallet that’s on the counter. I lean over to put on my yellow worn down boots and just as worn down jacket, while grabbing his coat that’s in a even worse condition than mine. Jimin skips over with his wallet in the back of his pocket and the keys in his right hand. He puts on his run down, washed out yellow boots while I slip his jacket on him, and he gives me the keys. We walk over to the door with him in front of me and opens it for me. While he walks out I slap his butt and turn around to lock the door, then I feel a slap on mine too, making me yelp. _

_ “An eye for an eye, love,” he says with a smirk, and slips his hand in mine.  _

* * *

_ The walk to the shop was short and the rain still poured down, making everything dark, even though it was around 3 o’clock. The bell gave the classic ringing sound when we walked in, and it was much warmer in here. The shop smelt like earl grey tea, honey milk and a bit of roses, the walls were a dusty rose pink and pale blue. The floor was hardwood and the tables were white with cute, pink candles in the middle of it. The shop wasn’t that well known, so there was only a couple people inside it, making it seem more cozy. I went towards the table near the window while Jimin went to get our tea and sweets. I stared outside to see the rain drizzling down, getting bored of looking at the rain, I watched the droplets race down the window. Focusing at the building outside the shop, I swore I saw Yoongi across the street, but I shake it off since it’s impossible for him to know where I was. The grip on my hand shook me out of my trance, I look back up front to see Jimin sitting in front of me with a concerned face. I shake my head at him as a silent way to say that it’s fine. _

_ “Earl grey with milk and sugar, and chocolate chip cookie, right?” He says, while he pushes my food and drink near me. _

_ “Of course,” I smile while I sip my tea, looking at his order. Chai tea with milk and a chocolate cake slice, classic Jimin. The conversation was filled with airy giggles, weird talk, sips of tea and the nibbling of sweets. Everything was light and weightless, even though the world outside was filled with heavy rain. Finishing our food and drinks, we thank the shop owner and walk back outside, the door opening and closing with the satisfying ringing noise again. Putting up our hoods, we continue to walk out into the rain with hands held. Spotting a giant puddle coming up, I wait until Jimin came close to it then I jump in it, getting him wet. He gives me a glare and yells, “yah!” while I continue to run around in the rain. The cold water feels nice on my skin while I stand out in the middle of the deserted street with my arms out and face out towards the heavens. I feel Jimin ran up behind me and hug my waist so I lean away and run away from him.  _

_ “ _ _ I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain,  _ _ what a glorious feelin' _ _! _ _ ” I sing on the top of my lungs, dancing around weirdly with my eyes closed. I can hear Jimin laughing behind me while I keep going, “I’m happy again, I'm laughing at clouds so dark up above, the sun's in my heart…”  _

_ “Y/N.. Y/N… Y/N!” Jimin yells behind me so I turn around to look at him and I see he’s look directly at me with a huge smile. _

_ “Is my singing that bad?” I giggle, but then he runs towards me tackling me in a hug and swinging me around in a circle, laughing his ass off. _

_ “Y/N, I can see! I can freaking see!” _

_ “What?” I ask, my eyes going wide, he stops and looks directly at me. _

_ “ I can see every shade, every color, every fucking hue! I can see!” he shouts, shaking me excitedly. _

_ “Wha- How?” _

_ “I don’t know, I saw you dancing around and singing and all I thought was, ‘damn, is this girl beautiful. I’m so happy I’m in love with her,’ then boom! I saw everything. Your big Y/E/C eyes, Y/H/C hair, Y/S/C skin, your worn down yellow boots and coat and your light blue jeans. I saw the grayish blue clouds, clear raindrops, the black and yellow paved road, I just saw everything in color. It’s as beautiful as you said.” With that, Jimin pulled me close, his lips hovering over mine. “And I saw those lovely pink lips of yours…” _

_ Before reaching up to seal the kiss, I mumble on to his lips, singing the last line, “and I'm ready for love…”  _

* * *

_ It was around midnight when I woke up, and I turned around to see Jimin fast asleep. I pull his arm from my waist and softly move off the bed. I grab my phone from the side table and shuffle into the kitchen to get some water. I shiver while I walk down the hallway since I was only in my panties and Jimin’s shirt. Once I get to the kitchen my phone buzzes, telling me I got a text but I ignored it and opened the cabinet to grab a glass. Again, I got a text. I see it’s Yoongi so I just scoff and go back to getting my water. While the water pours into the glass cup, once again, my phones buzzes. I just keep sipping my water but my phone buzzes at least three more times before I get annoyed and see the messages. _

_ 12:07 _

_ Yoongi: Come outside _

_ 12:08 _

_ Yoongi: Now _

_ 12:09 _

_ Yoongi: I said now _

_ 12:11 _

_ Yoongi: Stop ignoring me _

_ 12:11 _

_ Yoongi: Answer me _

_ Yoongi: You piece of shit, I’m older than you so you better respect me and answer me _

_ Yoongi: If you don’t answer me within one minute I’ll come inside and drag your ass out _

_ 12:12 _

_ Yoongi: I’m doing it _

_ Me: What do you want? _

_ Yoongi: Now you answer me. Come outside or else I come in there and kick your ass _

_ Me: Won’t you do it either way? _

_ Yoongi: I’m about to, COME! OUTSIDE! NOW! _

_ 12:13 _

_ Me: I don’t want to worry Jimin _

_ Yoongi: I’m about to just come inside _

_ Me: Fine, hold on, let me put some pants on _

_ I place my phone down and walk back into Jimin’s bedroom to grab a pair of my sweatpants and Jimin’s black, over worn hoodie. I debate if I should wake him up or not, so I write a quick note, just in case he wakes up, just saying I went for a walk and I’ll be back within the hour. I walk and put sweatpants and hoodie on at the same, tripping about five times while I go to grab my keys and my phone. I see I have another text from Yoongi, telling me to hurry my ass up. I roll my eyes as I shut the door, locking it and walk outside it see Yoongi’s truck pulled up front. I gulp while I shuffle to the car and to the passenger side while I rub where the hickies were on my neck. I open the car door with a shaky hand and keep my head down once I sit properly and close the door. My head’s still down while I fiddle with my hands on my lap, and I can feel Yoongi staring at me. _

_ “Let’s go for a short, little ride,” he mumbles, putting the car in drive and speeding away from Jimin’s house.  _

_ “So… What did you want to talk about?” I quietly ask, looking up to see his profile. Even in the dark he’s still breathtaking.  _

_ “Are you happy?” he ask with an airy voice but there was still an edge to it. _

_ “What?” I ask dumbfounded. _

_ “I asked-” _

_ “No, no, I heard you but what do you mean?” _

_ “What do you think it means, shithead?” he side glances me, “are you happy with Jimin?” _

_ “Yes,” I say without hesitation. I can see him grip the steering wheel harder.  _

_ “Why? Huh? Why are you happy with him?” _

_ “Because he makes me feel loved, I don’t feel lonely anymore and I know it’s not one sided. Yoongi, he can see color too… It actually worked, it actually fucking worked, and I’m so happy,” I said in my normal voice. I wasn’t talking quietly or softly like I usually do with him. I was just so happy for Jimin, for us, I couldn’t help myself. _

_ “No he can’t… That’s impossible, you can’t just fall in love with who you choose. You have to have a soulmate to see. Jimin is lying, he’s lying to you,” Yoongi barked, getting angry… again. _

_ “Yoongi… I have a question for you…” I say ignoring his last statement. “If you know that you have to have a soulmate to see color… then why do you stay here… with me. Why must you always have me or be with me when I clearly don’t make you see color? And when you’re most likely not my soulmate… It just doesn’t make sense to me,” I whisper while looking up front refusing to see his angry face. _

_ “Because you’re mine, do I need to remind you? Because I will in much more intense ways, if needed.” _

_ “Yoongi, I’m not yours. I’m not your soulmate and I found love in someone who actually loves me, too. Please just let me go… this is just killing us both. I’m not yours-” _

_ “Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” he slams down on the breaks making our bodies jerk forward, “You are mine whether you like it or not!” _

_ “No, I’m not!” I scream back, just being so done with being a possession. “Maybe I would be yours if you weren’t so fucking bitter and jealous because I could see color and you can’t. Because of you I grew to fucking hate color! I begged and prayed every single day to see hues of gray so you would love me! Did you know that? Huh, did you?! If you think not being able to see color sucks then you could try to walk a day in my shoes, and you would be fucking weeping. Me being able to see color has only brought me misfortune, my first love fucking hates me but when I get over it he suddenly cares. Nobody has loved me until Jimin! My mom hated me. My dad hated me. My older brother hated me. My little sister hated me. Everyone in my family hated me and treated me like a freak! Then they all died yet I still cried like a little bitch and like a lovesick puppy, I went up to you so I didn’t feel so lonely. You know what you said to me?” I wait for him to answer but he doesn’t just stares at me with a scrowl and his lips parted. “You fucking said that I deserved it because a freak like me deserves to be lonely! Then you beat me up because I started crying yet all I could think was, at least he noticed me. While I was bleeding on the fucking concrete. that’s all I could think, was about how all I wanted was your attention.” _

_ Continuing on, I whisper, “Maybe, if you would me love like Jimin, then I would be yours…” I unbuckle myself and unlock the door to open it and walk out but Yoongi grabbed my forearm to stop me. He pulls me back in, making me shut the door as he locks it again.  _

_ “Don’t say his name around me…” he seethes while he leans close to face. Memories from a week ago fog up my brain, the bite marks on my neck and wrist flare up. They were now an ugly green, with a yellow undertone, and I look into Yoongi’s eyes, they were too an ugly green color. Envy was obvious on his persona, and in his aura.  _

_ “I’m not yours, I’m Jimin’s. Now, let me go… please…” He was left speechless, while I break away from him and leave the car for good this time. I walk back towards Jimin’s, surprising I don’t hear the car put into drive, but I do hear Yoongi scream and slam his hands on the steering wheel repeatedly. My stomach aches and my throat clenches as I feel myself because sick. The cold air hits my face as stumble farther away from Yoongi, it feels so good yet I know I just set my death date. My face is probably green by now and my lips blue from being so nauseous and so cold. Though, I did the right thing, I feel like I have sinned. Maybe I was the jealous one, too…  _

When you think of black what do you think of? Beauty? Elegancy? Death? Evil? Now Yoongi would be all. The term, “black as my soul,” is jokingly said a lot, but the definition of his would be black. It was such a deep obsidian, it was like it wasn’t even there, but there’s an eerie beauty to being evil and dark to the core. No, he wasn’t a stereotypical villain with a distorted face and a noir cape, but he was still immoral. Death followed him like the plague, no he never killed but he martyred me every single day. He brought destruction towards things that he thought were needless, or angered him, or were getting in his way. He was the master of mystery and confusion, leaving me guessing in the worst ways possible. Though I couldn’t help drowning in the black void that was Yoongi, no matter how much I thrashed and begged to leave. 

_ It’s been about two weeks since I left Yoongi alone, and since then he’s been gone, but I’m still waiting for when he comes back. Tomorrow is the day I move to my own house that’s away from Seoul. I didn’t want to leave Jimin, since I have fallen for him harder each day that’s passed by so he decided to leave with me.  Boxes piled up within the living room, all of them contained Jimin’s things and a bag near the door had the things I brought with me. While I was away in the bathroom grabbing the last of the boxes, I hear the door being slam opened and shut. With suspicion I walk out of the bathroom and down the hall but stop before entering the living room. I look to see Yoongi standing right in front Jimin, glaring him down.  _

_ “What the actually fuck, Yoongi?!” I hear Jimin scream at him.  _

_ “Why is there boxes everywhere?” Yoongi ask, looking around the living room. _

_ “I’m moving in with Y/N, why does it matter to you?” _

_ “Why are you moving in with her?” Yoongi asked as he got closer to Jimin. _

_ “Again, why does it matter to you?” Jimin tried to maneuver away from him, but Yoongi stepped in his path.  _

_ “Because she’s mine.” _

_ “Oh, really?” Jimin laughed, “then why is she here with me and not you?” _

_ “You took her away from me-” _

_ “Bull shit!” Jimin screamed, getting ready to pounce on Yoongi. “She came to me each and every time you made her cry, or when you made her bleed, or when you left a mark! Oh yeah, I don’t appreciate you leaving hickies on my girlfriend.” With that Yoongi bent over with laughter. _

_ “You really think she’s yours?” Yoongi mocked. “Just wait until she gets sad again and she’ll come back to me and all those pretty colors you see, will be gone. Now matter what, she will come crawling back to me like the love sick puppy she is.” _

_ “Take that back, you bitch!” Jimin roared, as he jumped on to Yoongi, knocking him down in the process. I couldn’t stop the scream of panic that left my throat as I run towards them. Jimin kept Yoongi on the floor as he hammered his fist into Yoongi’s face, blood and bruises were everywhere. Memories from the first time Jimin beat up Yoongi flashed into my mind, but this was much worse. Yoongi grabbed Jimin’s fist and waist and flipped themselves over so he was on top, he started giving Jimin the same treatment. _

_ Racing to Yoongi, I grab his waist while I try to pull him off I yell, “Yoongi, stop!” He stops for a second to grab my hands and yanking me away from him, causing me to fall to the ground with a loud thump. He grabs Jimin by his shirt, pulling him up to stand and slams him against the wall. I couldn’t see what Yoongi looked like, but I could see that Jimin had a black eye and blood gushing out of his nose and mouth.  _

_ “No matter what you do, I was the one who actually loved Y/N back. You were the monster she needed protecting from, and I was the one that helped her. All you did was hurt her, so you don’t deserve to be able to say she’s yours,” Jimin breathed out, then Yoongi punched him right in the nose making him groan in pain.  _

_ “Shut the fuck up…” Yoongi seethed. _

_ “Huh? Did I hit a nerve?” Jimin bit out with a laugh. Obviously not happy with his mocking, Yoongi repeatedly punched him in the gut making him cough out blood. I scream scrambling to get to my feet to pull Yoongi off.  _

_ “Both of you just stop! There’s no need for this,” I cry out, again trying to pull Yoongi off. _

_ “Why do you keep pulling me off of him, like I’m the one who started this!” Yoongi barked turning around to face me as Jimin slid down the wall. “He was the one who hit me first!” _

_ “Because you deserve it! Do you know how many times you hit me? Also, you have no right to barge in Jimin’s house claiming me as yours when I’m not! If anything I’m Jimin’s and I already told you this. Get the fuck out,” I hollered out, breathing heavily with rage. At that moment I swore Yoongi’s eyes turned black, but his face was still with stone. _

_ “You are mine and if I need to get rid of him I will,” he said with a monotone voice. Behind him Jimin was creeping up with an old trophy we forgot to pack, but before he could hit him, Yoongi turned around and grabbed his arm. He twists it in a awkward position, making Jimin scream out in pain, and I see him reach into his to grab a butterfly knife.  _

_ “What are you doing!” I screech as Yoongi already drives the knife into Jimin’s stomach. He slams him back into the wall and repeating his movement. “Stop!” I ran over to him successfully getting him away from Jimin. I can hear him struggle to breath as I put pressure on his stomach. _

_ “Y/N… Thank you for letting me see… color and what… love is…” He whispers while he closes his eyes.  _

_ “No no no no no,” I say as reach my hands to his face, spreading the blood on my hands. I shake his face as I say, “come on, Jimin. Stop playing it’s not funny…!” I can hear Yoongi coming closer to me. but I don’t care. “Wake up! Jimin, stop playing! Please, Jimin!” I scream putting my face into his chest. I keep whimpering Jimin’s name as I feel Yoongi pull me away from his dead body, into his living one. Monster, monster, is all I want to scream at him. _

_ “Y/N, stop…” he whispers tightening his grip on me.  _

_ “I hate you… I hate you… I hate you…” I look up at him, and stare into his eyes, and they swirl with awful black color. I feel enclosed into the deadly ebony color Yoongi was, his soul encasing me in it’s cold hold. He just looks down at me with a chilling stare as I notice the colors around me slowly dissipate. I look around to see the once tan walls go to a light gray, but Jimin’s blue jacket remained blue. Everything that wasn’t red, blue, green and black, turned into the cursed gray. I start to panic, everything was disappearing within the span of seconds, I could no longer see Jimin’s pink aura and orange hair, it became as gray as this cruel world. I couldn’t help the terrified and sorrow filled cry I yelled out as pull away from Yoongi. I squat on the floor, pulling me hands over my head.  _

_ “Y/N, Y/N! What’s wrong? We need to leave!” Yoongi says, squatting in front of me.  _

_ “You… you monster, I’m just like you know. You took away my ability to colors other than red, blue and green! It’s all gone now because of you! Are you happy now?  You finally took everything I love away…!” I sob out, refusing to look at him. _

_ “Come one let’s go,” with that, he picked me up and left through the back door, towards his truck. I still mumble how much I hated him as he drove away from Jimin’s house and his dead body. “Where is your new house? I’m staying with you from now on.” _

_ “Fuck you,” I say still keeping my eyes closed, refusing to see how grey the world had become. I rather face the terrifying blackness, than see the world with no color…  _

Gray is not color but the lack and the presence of light, since it is the in between of black and white. It’s the color without color. Now gray was the main color he was because he was the definition of gloomy and conservative. He was also like the in between gray is. He had such a beautiful white light to him, but he stomped it out with his black soul. Though that light fights its way to show causing the presence and absence of light to mix into a dull grey. Now everything about him was grey, his once pale skin, his once dyed blonde hair, his once pink lips and his once blackish brown eyes. They were all grey now, haunting me how my black and white masterpiece became such somber color. 

Days passed like speeding cars, I have lost count the amount of days or hours Jimin died or when we got to “our” new home. Days have passed like numbers while I lay in bed, refusing to wake because in my dreams Jimin was alive and the world was in color. Yoongi refused to look at me, while I layed in my tears and chased after childish dreams. Days have passed like a sand timer, but in the words of Yoongi it’s only been nine days since everything happened. Oh, how I want to paint Jimin’s face and orange hair, but sadly I couldn’t tell the difference between orange and purple. I could paint a picture with the colors I know; red, blue, green, black and gray, but all it would look like was Yoongi. Everything was dull and every sound was deafening.

“Y/N, please get up… you need to at least eat,” I hear his voice from the doorway, but I keep my focus towards the white ceiling. “Y/N, it’s been nine days since you ate more than a meal! You’re slowly killing yourself…” He scolded, while staying at the door way.

Glancing my eyes towards him then back at the ceiling I croak out, “That’s the point…”

“Stop!” He yells out as he for once in these nine days, he approached the bed and sat at the edge. “Stop doing this to yourself, you need to get over it, at least you can see some colors.”

“But they’re such ugly colors because they remind be of you, they’re not orange or pink or yellow…”

What’s so special about those colors?”

“They remind me of Jimin…” I breathe out, still refusing to look at him. 

“Y/N… do you really love Jimin?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitation.

“Do you love me still?”

“... Always will…” I say with a dead voice.

“Then why won’t you look at me!” Yoongi barked, scooting closer to me, yet I couldn’t find the energy to move away. 

“Because I hate you… Why must you take everything away from me? Why must you claim I’m yours, when you don’t even love me? Why do you hate me…” 

“I hate you because you can or could be able to see color and you seemed so happy… I wanted to be happy, too.”

“Jimin was happy, too, because he allowed me to explain every color, and he was so happy… so fucking happy. Then he let me love him, and he was able to see color. Yoongi, are you afraid?”

“Afraid of what?” He asked with a deep and quiet voice which made me close my eyes.

“Afraid to love? Afraid of color? If so, please tell me so I know why you always abused me, when I tried to help.” 

Yoongi was silent for a while before saying, “Tell me… tell me about color,” with that my lips curled into a small smile.

“It’s beautiful…” I whisper while I feel him lay down next to me.

“Can you elaborate more?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Opening my eyes, I say, “Well, red is like when you’re really angry, you feel like red has consumed you whole, like you’re burning from the inside out. Red is when you feel like you’re treading on thin ice or hot coals because you feel the need to be cautious, to be aware. But… red can also be warm especially when you’re in love. Now, blue is cold, it’s like touching ice. It can also be when you feel fear, like that chill down your spine. Though, blue can also be when you feel safe with someone, trust someone. Blue is when you feel calm. Green is when you’re so jealous of someone, that’s why they call it jealousy, the little green monster. It’s can also be when you feel healthy, and fully healed. You know you’re fine or going to be fine…” Looking over to Yoongi, I see him staring at me with wide eyes as I felt his hand slowly creep on to mine. 

“Can you tell me about Jimin’s colors?” He whispered.

“Okay… The main color is pink. Pink is soft and warm, like a lover’s or a mother’s hug. Pink is like when you eat a chocolate chip cookie or a cake, it’s sweet and innocent. Pink is when you smile so large your cheeks turn into that sweet color, or when you play around in the rain. Pink can also show those who are weak or the ones who grow up to slow, the definition of the forever child. Orange is the warm spot in your chest when you make a new friend, or when your friend is nice to you. Orange is when you’re confident in yourself, and when you can smile through everything even when you fail. Now, yellow,” I laugh, closing my eyes, “is something so stunning. Yellow is when the sunlight pours down on you and you can’t help, but be… happy. Yellow is when you play outside in the rain and you have your own little sun that consumes you in the warmth and brightness that’s yellow. Though, yellow can also be when you spin around so much you feel dizzy, but that’s how your life is; unstable and dizzy.”

“Y/N, can you open your eyes?” Yoongi murmured, gripping my hand harder. Turning my head towards him and slowly open my eyes, to see his brown eyes look back at me. “Jimin was right, they’re beautiful…”

“What are?” I ask trying to focus my eyes on him, but it was hard while color slowly creeped back into my vision.

“Your Y/E/C eyes… Y/N, I don’t think I’m afraid anymore,” he said, moving his hand from mine, to cup my cheek. Maybe gray wasn’t that dull, and maybe color wasn’t that rancid… Maybe they were both equally as beautiful. 


End file.
